Counselling Service in Kent and Online
Hello and welcome to the Counselling Shed
My name is Bradley Starkey. I work with clients of all ages, sexualities and genders, to recover from addiction to compulsive sexual behaviour.
This is often referred to as “Sex Addiction” but some prefer the term “Compulsive Sexual Behaviour” or “Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder” (CSBD).
Please know that with professional therapeutic support, recovery from Sex Addiction (or CSBD), is definitely possible.
I also see general clients, presenting with issues around low self esteem, lack of confidence and uncertainty about direction in life (see the section on this website: “Good Enough?”).
I am an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), a member of The Association of Sex Addiction Therapists (ATSAC), a member of (CORST) and an accredited member of 5RTA.
For clients that have private health insurance, I am registered with BUPA, AXA, Aviva and Vitality Health.
Sex Addiction (or CSBD)
Sex addiction (or CSBD) is definitely a thing.
What I mean by that, is that if you are struggling with sexual behaviour that is out of control, then you are not simply highly sexed, fundamentally flawed, morally corrupt or simply a bad person.
For various reasons, your brain has likely developed a neural loop that predisposes you towards sexual acting out as a way of seeking distraction and/or comfort from distressing, unmanageable or uncomfortable emotions and/or life situations.
The tragedy of sex addiction, like any addiction, is that it leads you to act in ways that are not in alignment with who you really are.
With support, my clients are able to understand the purpose that sex addiction has served in their lives. They are then able to look towards finding other ways of serving their authentic needs.
Who Does it Affect?
Sex addiction affects people in all walks of life. It affects men and women. It affects people who are gay, bi, straight. It affects builders, mechanics, teachers, policemen, doctors, actors, presenters, scientists, priests – you name it.
Just like with other activities such as drinking alcohol, eating or gambling, most people can indulge in these things without becoming addicted to them. But for some people, and for various reasons, these activities start to be relied upon as a way of managing, and/or avoiding, difficult life situations and uncomfortable emotions. Sexual behaviour can be used in the same way.
So wherever you are in life and whoever you are, if you are looking to move on from enslavement to compulsive sexual behaviour then take action now and get in touch!
Partners of Sex Addicts
As well as working with people struggling with sex addiction (or CSBD), I also work with their partners.
For partners, discovery that their other half has been secretly acting out sexually, is devastating – the bottom literally drops out of their world. Staying together might be the last thing on their mind at that moment, but did you know that with professional therapeutic support, research indicates that 70% of couples decide to stay together. That’s a pretty remarkable and hopeful statistic don’t you think?
Whilst recovery is possible for people who are struggling with sex addiction (or CSBD), recovery and a brighter future is possible for partners too.
A Sex Positive Approach
Let me be clear, the sex addiction counselling service that I offer, is not anti-sex. Sex is a naturally occurring life force; a fundamental aspect of human being that needs healthy expression.
Recovery from sex addiction does not mean stopping sexual feeling or sexual expression.
Part of working towards recovery with my clients is supporting them to understand what constitutes healthy sexual behaviour: defined in the clients terms, not mine.
One advisory comment to make here though, is that I do not work with clients involved in illegal and/or offending behaviour. If you are not sure where your behaviour sits then get in touch. If need be, I can signpost you to other sources of support.
A note about Gay Men and Sex Addiction
Due to the politicisation of sexual freedom in gay culture, it can sometimes be harder for gay men to acknowledge that they have a problem if their sexual behaviour has gotten out of control, because sexual freedom is sometimes seen as the norm.
Only you will know whether your sexual behaviour has gotten out of control. Having lots of sex might feel right for you but if you have got to the point where you feel enslaved by your sexual behaviour, where, despite your best efforts, you are unable to stop, then get in touch to see how I might be able to help you.
Porn Addiction
Since 2007, with the introduction of the i-phone and broadband, there has been an explosion in the amount of pornography online and access to porn has never been easier. And whilst porn addiction can affect people of all ages, evidence suggests that it is increasingly becoming a problem for young people.
What used to be classed as hard-core porn, and even illegal porn, is now so readily accessible: just a click or two away, and this material is negatively impacting upon the way that young people are coming to view relationships, sexuality, emotions and their bodies.
If the use of sex and pornography has got to the point in your life where it has become compulsive – where, despite your best efforts you are unable to stop thinking about it or to stop acting out sexually, if it has started to have an impact on your partner, family, work, finances and/or health, then help is available.
It is possible to recover.
Get in Touch
Look, if you have been struggling with sex addiction then it is likely that you have been living aspects of your life on your own. Sex addiction thrives in secrecy. But you don’t have to continue to struggle on alone.
Take that first step towards reclaiming who you really are, and/or towards finding out who you might be, without the devastating and enslaving influence of sex addiction in your life.
Get in touch with me now.
Calls will be treated in confidence and I will not shame or judge you for what you disclose.
Let’s try to make it a thing of the past though so that you can begin to move forwards feeling lighter, with less guilt and shame, more confident in who you are, and without the enslaving grip of sex addiction in your life.
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Contact Details and Further Details
Please click here for my contact details.
Further details about fees can be found under FAQ’s.
‘Our deepest fear is not that we are weak. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?’
Marianne Williamson
