The Counselling Shed

Are you Gay Enough?

February 9th, 2023

Gay men are fun and flamboyant.
Gay men are creative.
Gay men are over the top.
Gay men love dancing.
Gay men like to take care of their appearance.

Gay men feel sad.
Gay men are powerful.
Gay men are insecure.
Gay men are frightened.
Gay men hide who they really are.
Gay men are thrill seeking daredevils.

Gay men work in theatre or arts-based jobs.
Gay men work as teachers, doctors, lawyers, scientists.
Gay men work as retail staff, train drivers, linguists and fishermen.
Gay men work in media and advertising type jobs.
Gay men work as builders, mechanics, lawyers, sportsmen and politicians.

Gay men feel shy.
Gay men feel brave.

Gay men are high achievers.
Gay men are unemployed.

Gay men are extroverts.
Gay men are introverts.

Get my point!

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There are as many different types of gay man as there are individual human beings.

Yet often in films, tv dramas and other media, gay men (still) get reduced to narrowly defined types.

Such stereotypes proliferate the notion in mainstream society, that if you are gay then you must have particular interests, or be a certain way or like certain things etc., and gay culture itself often promotes images of youth, affluence, health, fitness and beauty.

Whilst this is not a problem for some people, others can feel out of touch with such representations.

Rather than just accept themselves for being who they already are, such representations can trigger some people to feel insecure about who they are, leading them to ask the question: Am I gay enough?

– –

East Kent Counselling and Counselling Online for men who are gay.

I find that a lot of the male clients that I see who are gay, are not seeking counselling for specifically gay-related problems.

Rather, they are seeking counselling for general life problems:

Also, many clients contact me because of my expertise in helping people to understand and to move through their feelings of not being enough:



But clients rarely ask for help in becoming more gay, rather, they are looking for support in accepting who they already are.


Such clients are rarely looking to talk through specifically gay-related problems either, but WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR IS… a space within which to be able to talk about their problems without being shamed. They are looking for a counsellor who is not going to other them, or pathologise them, or threaten them, for being gay.

And sadly, I have heard a lot of othering comments over the years – and this is from professionally qualified counsellors who should know far better! Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!

“Why would a gay man want children?” I heard recently from a senior counsellor, “aren’t they all into partying and drugs!”

And the offensive bit here for me is not the partying or the drugs but the “aren’t they all…”

– –

If you are a gay man looking for non-shaming, non-threatening, non-othering counselling in Kent and/or Online, then get in touch

If you are looking for a place to be able to unburden what is troubling you and with a counsellor who will not shame or other you for being gay, or for being whatever else you are, then get in touch now.

You can find my contact details here: Get in touch with Bradley

The Counselling Shed

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