FAQ

Talking about what is troubling us, particularly for men, still carries some stigma in society and many can feel that they don’t want to ‘go down that route’. I think this has something to do with what shame researcher Brené Brown has said, ‘Basically, men live under the pressure of one unrelenting message: Do not be perceived as weak.’ This message is driven into boys from such an early age that the thought of opening up about what is really going on inside can feel strange, odd, unfamiliar and threatening.

When it comes to sex addiction, pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behaviour, people are often in denial about the extent of their problem or, in denial that they have a problem at all. Particularly in a society where so much in the media is sexualised.

Often people attempt to quit on their own, and maybe they experience of a period of sobriety, maybe a few weeks or a few months, but then the problematic behaviour returns. The inability to quit can often lead to feelings of powerlessness, feeling demoralised, feeling deep shame and hopelessness, accompanied often, by low self esteem and depression.

Often when clients see me for the first time, they don’t want to give their full name, or else they ask if its ok to not turn their camera on if working online. I reassure them about the confidentiality of the sessions.

A crucial aspect of the formation of compulsive and addictive sexual behaviours, is that the sexual behaviour represents the persons attempt to solve their life problems all on their own. No surprise then that they often also attempt to stop their problematic behaviour all of their own. But a crucial aspect of recovery is that it cannot be done alone. Reaching out for safe, effective, expert and confidential support is an important and necessary first step.

Look, if you are aware that your sexual behaviour is out of control but are also thinking, ‘I’m not sure that counselling is for me’, then you have my full understanding and respect.

But if you are serious about really wanting change – lasting change, they why not take the courageous step of reaching out for my support. It’s got to be worth giving it a try hasn’t it?

After a first session, my clients often say something like ‘well that wasn’t as bad as I’d feared” and then “I wish I’d contacted you two… five… ten years ago!”

My heart goes out to them because in those words I can tell how much needless suffering there has been in those intermittent years.

Go on, take action today and drop us an email or text, or voicemail.

M: 07757859650

E: bradley@thecounsellingshed.co.uk

Each counselling session lasts for 50 minutes, however, the number of sessions is entirely your decision. For clients seeking general counselling, some feel that their problems are resolved after 5-6 sessions, for others it is 12-15 and others, if they are going through a particularly challenging period, decide that they would like my support over a longer period of time.

If you are seeking recovery from sex addiction, pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behaviour, the the process can take longer and I would suggest allowing a minimum of 15-20 sessions.

It is never my intention to stretch things out as I only want to see you for as long as you are finding the sessions to be beneficial.

However, one thing I would say, is that unless you find me repellant or disagreeable on the first meeting i.e. if you get that strong sense that I am really not going to work for you, then I would recommend you attend more than once. I say this for three reasons:

First, if it is the first time you have opened up about what is troubling you then after the first session you can sometimes feel a bit exposed, shaky or vulnerable. Rather than seeing this as part of the therapeutic process some clients then feel ashamed about feeling like this and then come to the decision that they are not going to put themselves through the experience of feeling like that again. My experience though, is that the more you get used to opening up about how you are feeling, the more this feeling of being exposed, starts to dissipate.

The second reason I suggest coming more than once is that sometimes clients can feel that after they have shared everything that they have wanted to share, then that is it. ‘I’ve said it all now so I am not sure what I would talk about’, are words that I sometimes hear at the end of the first session. However, the beneficial healing that counselling supports, comes not from just stating what the problem is (and not to under estimate the power of stating the problem since this is immensely powerful and liberating in itself) but by understanding the problem in more depth, and then working out what you need i.e. working out a way forward.

A third reason is that sometimes clients can experience things getting worse before they start to feel better. It can sometimes feel like opening up an old wound. If you never address the wound it will fester. But when you decide to start treating it, it can sometimes sting at first. So again, if after a first session you feel worse, try not to be put off and this is likely to be part of the therapeutic process.

For further details and more thoughts about how to think about the cost of counselling, and a practical tip about affordability please see details on my blog post by clicking here: BLOG ABOUT FEES

If you are wondering whether your problems are serious enough to warrant counselling then you might like to read my BLOG on this topic here: How serious are my problems?

When it comes to sex addiction… someone once said to me “ah, sex addiction, that would be a nice one to have!”

Be in no doubt, sex addiction, pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behaviour disorder can lead to a severe worsening of mental health, self esteem, life satisfaction, sexual performance, enjoyment, freedom, financial stability, reliability, life options, trustworthiness, authenticity, relationships. Sometimes people take their own lives because they cannot deal with the shame of their behaviour. A nice one to have? Far from it. But I say again, recovery is definitely possible.

If you are struggling, then reach out for the support that you deserve – there really is so much more that you could be doing with your life.

After a session has been booked and paid for, I will email a meeting request the morning of your session. You will need to find a quiet space where you will not be disturbed and not overheard. If you do not have a quiet space at home or work, then you could use a shed or garage or some other quiet space – recently many people have used their cars. Meetings are via zoom. So you will need to be familiar with using this platform. Sessions last for 50 minutes. We will discuss beforehand what to do if the internet signal drops so that we are both happy with what to do in such an event.

If you are thinking of having counselling and have any other questions related to my service then please do not hesitate to get in contact.

Phone: 07757 859650

Email: bradley@thecounsellingshed.co.uk

If I am unable to answer my phone when you call then please do leave a message and I will call you back within 24 hours.

I look forward to being able to offer you a discrete and supportive counselling service.

Please note that the Counselling Shed is accessed by a step and there is no wheelchair accessible WC. If this presents an issue for you then please feel free to get in contact to discuss the possibility of other arrangements.