The Counselling Shed
Sometimes people try to cover up and/or distract from thoughts and/or feelings of not being enough through some kind of distracting and/or self soothing behaviour. One of the methods of self soothing is through the use of sex and porn.
On the one hand there is nothing wrong with sex. Indeed sex and our sexuality is to be celebrated: sexual energy is a naturally occurring energy, present in all life – sexual energy is life-force energy.
Similarly, pornography, as an expression of sex, sexuality and sexual energy is a positive thing.
Pornography can be a source of entertainment, pleasure, education and stimulation. Porn can supportively be used in foreplay, and in helping people to soothe from stress, boredom and loneliness. In itself, there is nothing wrong with porn.
However, used over time as a means of self soothing and/or as a way of regulating emotion, sex and the watching of pornography can become compulsive whereby instead of it being something pleasurable and enjoyable, it becomes something that people become enslaved by.
So, on the one hand it could be argued that morally and culturally speaking, there is nothing wrong with the use of pornography and that sexual behaviour, in all its creative and diverse forms, is to be celebrated.
There is not a problem with sex and porn… at least that is, until it becomes a problem!!
Let me say that again, there is no problem, until it becomes a problem!
If the use of sex and pornography has got to the point in your life where it has become compulsive – where, despite your best efforts you are unable to stop thinking about it or to stop acting out sexually, if it has started to have an impact on your partner, family, work, finances and/or health, then help is available.
It is possible to recover.
It is possible to take steps forwards that are in alignment with your authentic goals and values in life.
It used to be thought that all additive behaviours were a result of past trauma or attachment issues (difficulties in forming relationships) but increasingly evidence is suggesting that whilst past trauma and attachment issues can certainly contribute to the development of addiction, people are increasingly becoming addicted to porn purely because nowadays it is a much more accessible go-to.
Since 2007, with the introduction of the i-phone and broadband, there has been an explosion in the amount of pornography online and access to porn has never been easier: it’s just a click away.
There is a lot of shame around sex and porn addiction, and despite what people might think, sex and porn addiction affects both men and women, gay, straight, bi, trans and more, and it affects people in all walks of life.
The initial step of deciding whether or not to contact a counsellor – the step that also involves admitting that we could use some support and that we cannot do it all alone – is often a nerve racking step and often we fear that we will be shamed further.
If you are feeling fearful, unsure, worried or scared, then you have my full understanding.
Look don’t go on struggling on your own. Reach out for the support that you need.
If you feel that you might benefit from my counselling support then please feel free to call for a no obligation 10 minute chat, or email, so that we can work out a best way forward. I look forward to hearing from you. Please click here for my contact details.
‘Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.’
Winston Churchill