How shame can affect us

Whilst it is sometimes helpful to be able to reflect upon the personal problems that we face in terms of gender, I am also aware that such problems cannot not always be mapped onto gender. Moreover, for some people gender distinctions themselves are a source of confusion, stereotype and/or limitation. Shame, that painful and often secretive feeling of being somehow flawed and inadequate, can affect us all in different ways. A number or core areas of shame have been identified:

Manifestations of Shame

Some clients come for counselling after having experienced a persistent low mood that they cannot seem to shake off, others are having relationship problems or problems at work. Others have a relationship with sex that they would like to change i.e. they want to stop or cut down the amount or type of sex they are having but cannot seem to do this. Others might be overly reliant on the consumption of alcohol or recreational drugs and cannot seem to change their patterns. Others feel so low, alone and/or hopeless when thinking about their future that suicide has crossed their mind. Some are really unhappy about the way they look and/or think their body is not as they would like it to be, some are considering cosmetic or enhancement/enlargement surgery. Some are obsessed with going to the gym or obsessed by dieting or obsessed by something else. Some are unhappy with their career or feel as though they are not doing what they should be in life. Others are fed up with pleasing others and doing what they feel is expected of them. ‘What about me’ they might be thinking.

Academic Pressures

Other clients are worried about their academic performance. Given the huge pressure that is often put upon younger people nowadays, to excel academically, pupils and students often feel overwhelmed by the sense of not being good enough, or sometimes they learn how to meet such expectations but then lose touch with their authentic attributes and interests: their souls getting somehow squished in the process.

Get in touch

If you have been struggling with any of the above problems or with any other difficulties that are not mentioned above, and you think I might be able to support you then please get in contact for a free no-obligation 10-15 minute chat.

‘Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.’
Albert Einstein

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